


Fowl Spirit

by rayghosts



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer, Danny Phantom
Genre: Atlantis Complex, Crossover, Gen, Ghosts, Past Character Death, Post-The Last Guardian, The Last Guardian Spoilers, ghost science, newly ex-ghost artemis is pretty interested in them phantoms, takes place during the first season for danny phantom so danny is still a beginner haha noob, the actual crossover doesnt happen until the fourth chapter but shhhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24704185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayghosts/pseuds/rayghosts
Summary: A month after Artemis's resurrection, ghosts start showing up in Haven. The best source of information: Amity Park.
Comments: 74
Kudos: 128





	1. it's not okay if he's dead

**Author's Note:**

> so...that artemis fowl movie, huh?
> 
> i actually started writing this fic in march, but i paused after getting sidetracked by other projects. i figured now was a good time post what ive written so far since artemis fowl is relevant lol
> 
> takes place after the book series ended for artemis fowl, and during the first season for danny phantom. includes af spoilers if you havent read the books yet but want to
> 
> does anyone even like both fandoms? idk lol but oh well. also, the movie never happened. i do not see it

"I hardly think this is necessary," the human boy argued around the light shining into his eye.

Foaly moved the flashlight away from his pupils and quirked an eyebrow. "No, yeah, of course a medical checkup isn't necessary. Not after you literally died and resurrected yourself into a clone body we made."

Artemis huffed. "Of course a checkup  _ was _ necessary, but it's been six weeks. Surely the past twelve times you've observed me are sufficient enough to assure you that I am physically well."

"Six weeks, huh?" Foaly said casually as he continued with the examination. (He's no medical warlock, but every doctor was booked. Also, none of them wanted to be around the Mud Boy who kidnapped a fairy, even if he was redeemed.) "So how old do you imagine a Mud Person to be when they're six weeks old?"

"Are you comparing me to an infant?" Artemis asked with the slightest hint of embarrassment. "I was led to believe this body was designed to be fifteen, maybe sixteen. Comparing it to its literal age would be illogical."

"Sure, your mental and physical functions are teen-aged, but your experience is the same as a six-week-old," the centaur replied. "I tried to boost your immune system while making your body--vaccines and such, you're welcome--but who knows how your body will react when you get sick." He tapped Artemis's knee, which automatically raised his leg. Reflexes working, then. "For all we know, you could die again from a common cold."

"I'm not sick now," Artemis pressed.

"Sure thing, baby. Now why don't you stay quiet while the adult doctor does his work?"

From the corner of the room, Holly let out a laugh. "Good one," the elf said.

Artemis pressed his mouth into a thin line and ignored the burning in his cheeks. He decided that a change in topic should be in order. "I see the People have recovered well from the technological crash," he noted, nodding to the window outside, where the underground city stood well-lit.

Holly followed his line of vision, then turned back to him. "You mean the Big Dark?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Is that really what people are calling it these days?"

"It's easier to say than Great Technological Crash," Holly replied with a shrug. She then smiled, adopted the smug tone she only used to aggravate Artemis, and said, "But yes, obviously we recovered. I don't know how long it takes humans, but seven months is more than enough for us to repair important technology."

Seven months. He'd spent six of those dead. Artemis fell quiet.

Holly's smugness melted away into concern. "Something the matter, Mud Boy?" she asked.

Artemis chose his words carefully before saying, "I still believe that further physical examinations are unnecessary...but perhaps a mental examination could prove useful."

Foaly looked up at him with a raised eyebrow and quirked lips. "What? Are you worried you may have lost a few IQ points in your new body?"

Holly, however, understood what he meant. "Your memories," she said.

Artemis shifted in place from where he sat on the small examination table. "Rest assured, most of the memories spent in my old body have returned," he told them before they could worry. "However, I am curious about the time I spent outside any body."

"You mean as a ghost?" Foaly asked with some surprise. "Why would you want to remember being dead?"

Artemis stared at the centaur genius as if he was an idiot. "Why  _ wouldn't _ I? Countless philosophers have wondered what it must be like after death. I had the chance to experience that myself, yet I cannot remember any second of it."

Holly frowned. "You need regression therapy for that."

"I could set an appointment with Dr. Argon," Artemis suggested. Dr. Argon was the psychologist who treated Artemis back when he was suffering from Atlantis Complex, a fairy disorder that made him delusional.

Holly's frown deepened. Something in her gut told her that Artemis was hiding things again. She opened her mouth to question the boy, but then she saw his eyes suddenly widen and his already pale face grow paler as he stared at something just behind her.

"Um," he said, "just to make sure, you can both see a large, glowing tentacle coming through the wall behind you, right?"

Holly whipped around, and sure enough, an octopus was entering the room through the wall. A huge, transparent green octopus with glowing red eyes.

"D'arvit!" Holly shouted the Gnommish swear. "Foaly, theres more."

"More? More what?" Artemis asked. Then, realization dawned on him and he pointed out, "That's a ghost."

The two fairies ignored him. Foaly trotted to his desk to retrieve something from the drawer while Holly shot at the ghost animal, which was a futile action, considering all her shots phased through.

"You better have that weapon finished, Foaly," she said through gritted teeth.

"Got it!" Foaly held up what looked like a standard Neutrino gun if you didn't look too closely. "It should be finished enough."

Foaly threw the weapon to Holly, who turned around and caught it. Unfortunately, by the time she aimed it at where the ghost had been, it had moved past her and toward Artemis. The human boy, who had the same level of athletic ability as his old body (read: very poor), was unable to dodge the octopus as it curled its tentacles around him.

"Gross," complained Artemis, who had been in life-threatening situations so many times that he stopped bothering to panic. "You're slobbering ectoplasm all over my suit."

Holly shot the modified lasergun at one of the octpus's tentacles. This time, it didn't phase through, and the ghost released Artemis with a hiss. Holly continued to shoot at it, splattering gooey ectoplasm everywhere, until it fled the room in agony.

"Are you okay?" she asked Artemis, racing to his side as soon as she made sure the ghost was gone. Artemis didn't miss the way her voice was laced with more concern than any instance before his temporary death, even though he had certainly gone through much worse.  _They really are treating me like an infant_ , he thought with dismay.

"I'm fine," he quickly said, brushing her off. Not meeting her eyes, he adjusted his tie and spoke, "I see Foaly modified a Neutrino to work against ghosts. Unless you're worried another Berserkers incident may occur, then my guess is that this place has been attacked by ghosts before."

"It has," Foaly confirmed. "For the past month and a half, ghosts kept popping up at random times and in random places. Commander Kelp is miffed."

"We're thinking it might have to do with the Berserkers gate having opened," Holly supplied before Artemis could ask. The Berserkers were ghosts who were bound in the earth for ten thousand years until the megalomaniac pixie Opal released them in her plan for world domination. Artemis didn't need to be reminded of that part; after all, he had given his life to stop them.

Artemis frowned. "But you said these ghosts have been appearing for a month and a half. The Berserkers incident was seven months ago. That can't be it."

"Then what could it be?"

Artemis rubbed his temples in concentration. What ghost-related event happened six weeks ago that could have triggered this? Well, that answer was easy. A heavy weight settled in Artemis' stomach as he said, "It was me."

Foaly let out a horse sound that may have been a laugh, pulling the boy's attention toward him. "Tell me, Mud Boy, do you remember being in a dimension of ghosts?"

A...dimension of ghosts? Artemis shook his head, but he argued, "I don't really remember anything, though--"

"Right, but we monitored the place where your soul was bound. It was definitely there, in our realm, which means we couldn't have opened a rift to the ghost realm when we brought you back. It wasn't you."

Artemis' brows furrowed. "You keep talking about a dimension or realm of ghosts."

Foaly gave an exaggerated gasp and placed a hand on his chest. "Don't tell me--the brilliant Artemis Fowl finally doesn't know something?"

A migraine was starting to form in Artemis' head. "Excuse me if being in a--what was it you said?--an  _ inexperienced infant body _ made my memory a little murky. Please, do enlighten me about this  _ghost dimension_. "

"Will do," Foaly responded cheerily. "As everyone knows, ghosts form whenever a living being dies either a violent death or with unfinished business. The problem is that it's difficult for them to stay in the living plane for long; the Berserkers only managed to stick around as long as they have due to strong magic and considerable willpower. Other ghosts might be able to stay if they bind their essence to a relic, but otherwise, they'd have to move on--except they  _can't_ move on to the afterlife. That's what made them ghosts in the first place. So," Foaly held up a finger as he explained, "they instead go somehwere that is between the living plane and the afterlife."

"A dimension of ghosts," Artemis guessed.

Foaly nodded. "It's sort of like Limbo, but instead of a time pocket, it's a parallel dimension mirroring our own. Close enough to our world to satisfy them, but nearer to the afterlife so they don't vanish from existence."

Artemis leaned forward on his elbows, his intrigue growing. "And, somehow, ghosts are making their way from that place back here."

Holly crossed her arms. "Since you say it's not the Berserkers gate, then it's not the Berserkers gate. But it's not your resurrection, either. So what could it be?"

A short silence fell over the three before Foaly broke it by nervously saying, "Actually, I might know."

Holly glared at him. "You know? And you didn't say anything?"

"I said I  _ might _ know," Foaly corrected her. "I haven't checked yet, and you know how the Commander doesn't like to act out on hunches."

"What is this hunch of yours?" Artemis asked. 

"Okay, so you know how some humans are obsessed with myths about cryptids?"

"You're saying a human did this?" Holly said incredulously.

"Maybe. Honestly, humans have tried and failed for so long to summon real ghosts that I didn't think it could be a problem. I mean, have you watched those ghosthunter shows? They hear a door creak and think that's a message from the beyond."

"But ghosts are showing up now," Artemis said, "and you're suspecting that one of them may have succeeded. Was it a seance?"

"Could have been. I have a whole list of human doings six weeks ago that might have opened a portal to the ghost realm, and most of them are seances. I doubt it, though, considering these things have been happening for years without any ghost outbreaks." Foaly stroked his chin and added, "Although, there is one--a human couple, actually, who built a machine."

"A machine to bring the dead?" Holly asked, eyebrows high.

"I know! It's wild," Foaly said with a grin. "These two have been working on a way to interact with ghosts since college. Nothing successful, of course, though I have to respect them if this does turn out to be their doing. An entire portal into the ghost realm, can you believe that?" He snickered (a horse snicker, that is). "Actually, I've been keeping tab on their family for a long time. Their ancestors were fairy hunters."

"Fairy hunters," Holly muttered, rubbing her forehead. "Wonderful."

Artemis was listening with increasing interest. "Where does this couple reside?"

Foaly opened his mouth to answer, but then he suddenly stopped and narrowed his eyes at the human. "Hold up. I'm not telling you."

Artemis knit his brows. "Why not?"

Foaly met Holly's eyes, and she nodded and turned to Artemis. "Yeah, we're not letting you come on this mission."

The human glanced between them, his confusion growing. "It's a simple reconnaissance task to see whether the portal they created is truly functional or not. I understand if the LEP prefers to do it alone, but I don't see why you're so strongly averse to my participation."

"Oh, gee, maybe it's because the last time you were on a mission you literally  _ died_," Foaly said.

" _And _ it hasn't even been two months since we had to pull you back from the dead," Holly added.

Artemis was feeling conflicted. "I appreciate that you care for me, but come on. Surely you weren't being literal when you referred to me as a baby. Don't you have a little faith in me?"

"No," both fairies said at once.

At Artemis' expression, Holly sighed and placed a hand on his knee. "Look, I'm sorry. But your...absence...was really tough on everyone who was close to you. Especially your family. It wouldn't be fair to them if you go on any world-saving adventures, at least not for a while."

Artemis' scowl lingered for a moment longer, then it faded into a neutral expression. "I understand," he said.

Holly blinked in surprise. "You do?"

"Of course," he said, standing up and adjusting his suit. "It would be selfish of me to make my friends worry so soon after getting me back. I think I shall stay inside the mansion and spend some quality time with my family. No world-saving adventures."

Foaly narrowed his eyes at him. "You're not just saying that before you ignore us and sneak out on your own, are you?"

Artemis gave him an innocent smile. "Why would I do that?"

A few minutes after Holly escorted the Mud Boy back to the surface, she sat at the edge of Foaly's desk and crossed her arms. "He's definitely going to sneak out, isn't he?"

"Absolutely," the centaur agreed. "But I'm monitoring his house. I should know if he leaves."

Holly frowned. Of course Artemis knew that. Of course he'll somehow find a way around that.

After a few seconds of silence passed, Foaly said, "Kind of weird how he kept adjusting his suit but didn't bother brushing the ectoplasm off."

Butler was the first one to greet Artemis on the surface. The boy knew his bodyguard wanted to accompany him underground, but he also knew how claustrophobic the man could get. Anyway, he trusted Holly to look after his charge.

As soon as he saw Artemis' face, he scowled and grumbled, "You're plotting another scheme, aren't you?"

Artemis gave an exasperated sigh. "No. Does nobody trust me?"

"No," said Butler.

Artemis shook his head. "Don't worry, old friend. I won't be leaving the mansion."

"Really?" The skepticism was clear in Butler's voice.

Artemis threw his hands up, an uncharacteristic gesture that proved his frustration. "Why is everyone so insistent on looking after me? Yes, I've died, but I'm better now."

Butler softened. He could understand why the teenager would be put off by the suddenly overwhelming care from those around him. Then again, it was hard  _ not _ to care for someone when you've attended his funeral. "We just want to..."

"To make sure it doesnt happen again," Artemis completed. "I know. But I've been in many dangerous situations, and I fared just fine on my own."

Butler raised an eyebrow, and Artemis sighed in defeat. "Okay, so maybe I had you and Holly to thank. But I'm  _ fine_."

Butler could feel the irritation rolling off the teen, and he decided to change the subject. He eyed the green goo that still coated Artemis' expensive suit. "What is that?"

Artemis looked down at the ectoplasm on himself, then up at Butler with a grin that showed off his vampiric canines. "That, old friend, is my new subject of study."


	2. discussing linguistics with a ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why yes i DID learn middle english for the sake of this chapter

Artemis entered his study, where a microscope and some other lab materials sat on a desk. He did have a lab, but during his...absence, his younger brother Myles had taken over the place and turned it into his own. Artemis supposed he had only himself to blame, considering he bequeathed the lab to the four-year-old in his will.

He removed his suit jacket carefully, then used a small stick to grab a sample of the neon goo that was beginning to be soaked up by the fabric. Briefly, he wondered if ectoplasm could be washed away. It would be a shame if his new suit was ruined by radioactive green stains.

He placed the sample onto a microscope slide and slid it in before observing it through the lens. Interesting. The ectoplasm appeared to be made of...ectoplasm. As in, the outer area of the cytoplasm that exists in many kinds of amoeba. Even though it shared the same name with spirit slime, somehow Artemis never expected them to be identical. (Or at least nearly identical, seeing as the ghost ectoplasm appeared to be giving off a few sparks of energy. Could ghosts be a potential source of electricity?)

_ Fascinating_, he thought.  _ Even though ghosts are dead, they appear to have a similar microscopic structure to living organisms. _

"What straunge thing dost thou nou?"

Artemis froze. Slowly, he lifted his face away from the microscope and eyed the speaker standing by his side. It was an old man whom Artemis recognized from the large portrait that hung in the hall of Fowl Manor. A man who had been dead for six centuries.

Artemis swallowed and spoke to Lord Hugh Fowl. "I am studiande a forein material," he said.

"Ah, I almost fered thou nolde here me. Woostow propre tonge?"

"Whilom hit hadde been propre longe agon. Nou hit simpli beth olde."

The ghost frowned. "My english is old, you say?"

"Middle, actually. But yes, it is outdated."

"Then it is a good thing I picked up modern language from the residents in my castle," the ghost said, then waved a hand like he was swatting a ghost fly. "Though, it is annoying. All these mispronunciations. Bah."

"Languages evolve over time. What you consider mispronunciations are now generally accepted as the correct pronunciation."

Lord Hugh looked at the boy before him, and Artemis had to supress a shiver at seeing his pale, dead eyes. "I see you are finally speaking to me, after having ignored me for weeks," said Hugh.

Artemis brought his attention back to the microscope slide, just to keep himself occupied and looking away from the apparition. "You said we've spoken before," he spoke slowly, "back when I was still a ghost. Yet I do not have enough memories of that time to confirm that."

"We have, albeit a couple of times," Hugh said. "It would make sense that you do not remember."

"Maybe," said Artemis. "Or maybe the truth is the alternative, which is that I am imagining you, and you do not exist."

Lord Hugh let out a boisterous laugh. "Not exist! Are you saying ghosts are not real? Even when you've fought them before?"

"I did, indeed, go against an army of ghosts," Artemis confirmed, "and they were visible and felt by everyone, rather than just me."

"Of course they were! They were magic," Hugh retorted, almost offended. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for a non-magical spirit such as myself to stay tethered here? Were I not bound to this castle, I would have long disappeared into the afterlife. To be visible without magic would require a lot of energy."

"That still doesn't explain why I can see you," Artemis countered.

Lord Hugh responded with a shrug. "How should I know? Perhaps you still have some ghostly attributes left over."

Did he? Foaly hadn't noticed anything strange about his physical body, but perhaps he could study himself later. Artemis lifted his head again to see the ghost still in the same spot, watching him. Creepy. 

Tapping his fingers on the table, Artemis decided he may as well converse with the phantom, who sounded intelligent enough.

"You wouldn't go to the afterlife, though," he said. "Not unless you are ready to move on. You'd go to a dimension of ghosts first."

Lord Hugh quirked a pale eyebrow. "A dimension of ghosts?"

Artemis felt an upward tug at his lips. "It exists between this plane and the after," he explained, feeling the rush that came with lecturing someone about a new topic (no doubt Foaly felt the same when he explained the same topic to him). He pointed at the ectoplasmic sample he was examining and added, "In fact, this material comes from that place."

Artemis felt silly. What was he doing? Explaining things to a ghost he was only half-convinced was not a delusion thought up by his mind. However, no verbal response came from the ghost. When Artemis glanced at him, he saw Hugh staring at the ectoplasm as if it had mesmerised him. Artemis frowned. "Lord Fowl?" he pressed with some concern.

All of a sudden, Hugh lurched an arm out and grabbed the stain. Artemis shot up from his seat. "Hey! Don't contaminate it!" he shouted, then immediately felt stupid for saying so. Was it even possible for a noncorporeal ghost to contaminate something?

To his utter surprise, Artemis watched as the exact opposite happened: the material contaminated the ghost. As soon as Lord Hugh's pale fingers phased through the clear plastic of the slide and touched the ectoplasm it held, the substance began to spread like wildfire across his entire body. As his form gained viscosity, it glowed harshly and turned a toxic shade of green. Sparks of miniature lightning burst forth and scorched the floor. And, unless Artemis was imagining it, the temperature in the room considerably dropped.

Lord Hugh closed his eyes as his body transformed, and when he opened them again, they had gone from pale and dull to vivid red. The ghost cackled. "Swich pouer! Ay, I nadde felde thilke!"

Various objects around the room began to float upward, pulled into an indoors tornado that formed around the ghost. Artemis had to jump out of the way as the chair behind him rose.

"Lord, I biseche thee, calme thyself," Artemis urged, but the ghost did not listen to him.

_ " What in the world? " _

Artemis turned his head to the room's entrance to find Butler standing in the doorway. The rush of air swirling around Lord Hugh's ghost had been so loud that he didn't hear the bodyguard open the door. 

"Oh, good," said Artemis. "You can see him too. So I'm not delusional."

Butler sent the teen a bewildered glance, but his military training allowed him to quickly get over his shock and into action. He set the tray of tea he had been holding onto the ground and pulled out his trusty Sig Sauer. Before Artemis could warn him that guns have no effect on ghosts, Butler had already pulled the trigger--which, of course, did nothing except put a hole in the wall behind Lord Hugh.

Unfortunately, this action aggravated the ghost. He held up a hand, and before Butler could wonder what was happening, a beam of green energy shot from the outstretched palm. It hit him square in the chest, throwing him back.

"Butler!" Artemis cried out, scrambling across the room to where the man had been attacked. He stopped at the doorway and looked down at the tea tray that Butler had set down, which was already beginning to hover off the ground along with everything else in Hugh's vicinity. An idea popped into the young genius's head, and before he could second-guess himself, he grabbed the scalding teapot in his hands and turned back to face the ghost.

"Hey, mumblecrust!" he shouted just as he removed the pot's lid and swung the tea in a wide arc over Lord Hugh. Where the boiling water impacted him, the ectoplasm constituting his body immediately hissed and began to melt. The nobleman screeched as he dripped onto the hardplank floor until he was nothing more than a green puddle. 

All at once, every item in the study that has been hovering in the air suddenly dropped, releasing what was probably the noisiest collection of crashes since the mansion had been attacked by a troll years prior. Artemis winced each time something broke. There was no way Butler was going to clean that up for him.

Speaking of Butler.

Artemis stepped over the broken teacups literring the doorway and rushed outside the study. He was relieved to find Butler alive and well, already picking himself up from his precarious position over a handrail that creaked under his weight. 

Butler glared at Artemis as he neared him. "You said you were only going to observe the substance."

"I did!" Artemis stammered. "I had no way of expecting it would react that way with Lord Hugh's ghost."

"...That was Lord Hugh Fowl," Butler stated incredulously. "Your ancestor who built this mansion six hundred years ago."

"Yes," Artemis affirmed, not in the least perturbed by this fact. "Apparently, his spirit was bound to this place after its construction."

"Of course." Butler shook his head dismally. "Here I was, hoping we could last this month with nothing strange happening."

"I'm a juvenile ex-criminal who cheated death through magic fairy technology. Everything regarding me is strange."

Butler gave a defeated sigh as Artemis went back to his wrecked study. The teenager stopped at the entrance and stared as the puddle of ectoplasm that was once Hugh Fowl began to shudder. However, rather than reform like Artemis feared, it simply phased through the floor, vanishing from sight.

"He's gone," Artemis stated.

"He fled, but he isn't gone," said Butler from right behind him. Artemis jumped slightly at his voice. For someone so huge, Butler sure can be silent when he moved.

Artemis glanced up at his bodyguard to find his expression carved from stone. The young Irish then pulled out a phone from his pocket and began tapping away at it as he said, "I suppose we must find some solution, then."

"How did you fend the specter off?" Butler asked.

Artemis used one hand to point at the abandoned teapot that lay amongst the mess on the floor. "Ectoplasm has a somewhat similar cellular structure as amoeba, and there is no better way to be rid of those than with boiling water."

Butler made his way into the room, careful not to step on anything sharp. "But the ghost escaped," he said, "which means it wasn't a permanent solution." He stood in the center of the room and looked around to survey the damage. After a second, he said, "There is no way I'm cleaning this up for you."

He turned back to look at his charge and found Artemis still on his phone. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Artemis finally stopped and turned the phone around to show the screen to Butler. "What we need is a ghost exterminator, correct? How would you like to visit Amity Park?"

Butler narrowed his eyes at the phone screen. On it was a picture of an odd couple. One was a man dressed in a vivid orange jumpsuit who looked as large as Butler himself, and the other was a woman dressed in a matching teal jumpsuit who was small-framed yet muscular. A logo glowed above them, spelling out FENTONWORKS.

"Honestly, did that centaur really believe that opting not to mention the name and location of the couple to me would prevent me from finding them?" Artemis spoke with a roll of his eyes. "I mean, they're the only humans to ever build an entire portal leading to the ghost realm."

Butler scowled at him. "This is the mission Holly told you to stay away from?"

"They're ghost experts," Artemis said, completely dodging the question. "Surely they would know what to do about Lord Hugh."

Butler mulled that information over. He had to admit that he had no idea what to do when faced with a ghost. Sure, he fared against the Berserkers, but they weren't the same breed as this phantom.

"Amity Park," the bodyguard said. "Where is it?"

"America."

Butler widened his eyes. "We are not going to America."

"Oh, come on. What bad thing ever befell us in America?"

"Do I really need to remind you of the C Cube?"

Artemis waved him off. "Sure, but I'm not selling a technologically advanced weapon to a corrupt millionaire this time."

Butler looked stern. "Can't you call them?" he pointed out.

Artemis shook his head. "Landlines are still down from the great technological crash, and the Fentons do not have a website."

"International airports haven't recovered yet."

"The Fowl Jet has. Or do you have a better idea for disposing of our ghost?"

Butler hesitated. When he couldn't find anything to say, Artemis flashed him his vampiric smile.

"Right, then. If you need me, I'll be packing my things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i REALLY hope the middle english i wrote was correct dhakakdfjg
> 
> TRANSLATION:  
> Hugh: "What strange thing do you now?"  
> Artemis: "I am studying a foreign material."  
> Hugh: "Ah, I almost feared you would not hear me. You know proper tongue?"  
> Artemis: "Once, it had been proper long ago. Now it simply be old."  
> AND LATER:  
> Hugh: "Such power! Ever, I had not felt the same!"  
> Artemis: "Lord, I beseech you, calm yourself."
> 
> also, "mumblecrust" is a medieval insult based on a toothless beggar character from old theater.
> 
> as you can see, i did a lot of research for this chapter. then again, i did write it during the beginning of the whole coronavirus quarantine, so i had a lot of free time on my hands lol


	3. artemis gets grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sneak 100

Artemis crept along the walls, hiding behind nooks and crannies and shifting mirrors ever so slightly. He wasn't sure whether the mansion's security cameras were affected by the crash or not, but if they weren't, then he knew Foaly would be able to watch him. However, Foaly did not know about Artemis's secret path outside the cameras' line of vision. Of course, they would able to see Butler follow him later, but by then Artemis would already be in the jet.

Artemis made it out the mansion and to the adjacent garage which housed the Fowl Jet. He smiled, feeling accomplished at successfully sneaking out. As it turned out, his celebration was too soon.

No sooner had he stepped into the garage than he heard a stern voice call, "Arty."

Artemis flinched in surprise and looked at the speaker. He found her standing before the jet, and his stomach sank. "Mother."

Angeline Fowl crossed her arms and adressed her son. "Really? Sneaking off to another country?"

Artemis winced. "Butler told you, didn't he?"

"I wish  _ you _ told me," she replied. "You don't have to hide things from us anymore, you know."

He knew. His parents were aware of his fairy adventures--both of them. Though many of his previous expeditions could have been easily wiped from their heads with a simple mesmer, the death and subsequent resurrection of their son was too much to forget, especially with the LEP's mind-wipe technology on the bottom of their list of technological repairs following the Big Dark. Thus, he had to explain everything to them when he appeared on their doorstep six months after his funeral.

He resisted the urge to shift his feet and said, "I didn't want you to worry."

"I'm your mother, Arty. It's my job to worry."

Artemis struggled to find a good comeback and finally settled on, "There's a ghost in the mansion."

Angeline raised an eyebrow and asked, "Are you saying you can't find a solution to that yourself?"

Artemis was caught. It was true; if Foaly could make an anti-ghost weapon, then he probably could too.

Seeing him tense, his mother's expression softened, and she dropped her arms with a heavy sigh. "Look, Arty...I wasn't the best mom to you growing up." Artemis stared at her in surprise as she continued. "There were many times I could have spent time with you, but I didn't. I thought you were mature enough to handle yourself. But then the Big Dark happened...I was terrified. I couldn't get to you and your brothers, and I had no idea if you were safe. Something could have happened--something  _ did _ happen." She held her son's hand in hers and gazed at him with such sadness it broke his heart. "Please, let me make it up. Let me look after you."

A lump formed in Artemis's throat. He tried to push his feelings down, but it was hard to do so whenever his mother was involved. He swallowed and said in a wavering voice, "It's not your fault. I hid things from you."

"I should have known," she insisted. "I should have paid better attention." She squeezed Artemis's hand and said, "Just, stay here. Please. Just until I know you're safe."

Artemis thought that didn't make much sense, since knowing he's safe now won't affect his degree of safety later, but he couldn't get himself to argue with his mother. He glanced at the Fowl Jet standing over them, then back at Angeline, her patient eyes and warm hands. His shoulders slumped. How could he say no? Slowly, wordlessly, he nodded. 

His mother's face brightened, and she pulled Artemis into a hug. Artemis stiffened at first, as he always does with physical affection, before he allowed himself to relax and hug her back. He would never admit it, but Angeline's embraces always made him feel better.

When they finally pulled away, he turned to the door and found Butler standing there. Angeline guided Artemis back into the house, and Butler moved aside to let them pass.

The bodyguard walked next to Artemis and spoke to him. "I know you must feel patronized from all this concern directed at you, but trust me, it's for your own good."

Artemis didn't reply. He still felt betrayed at Butler for snitching him out.

As if he read his mind, Butler sighed and said, "I'm sorry, but I knew the only way to keep you here was to talk to your mother. And..." he took a deep breath and added, "truthfully, Artemis, I'm tired."

Artemis stopped and looked at Butler, really looked at him. In spite of the fairy-done cosmetic surgery he had a few years ago (long story), wrinkles had appeared on the old man's face, settling in his skin from years of stress and age. The hair stubbles on his shaven head were turning gray. His chest heaved slightly with every breath, a result of the kevlar embedded there and the heart injury he suffered during the Berserkers fight.

Instantly, Artemis's contempt turned into guilt. So many times had he pulled Butler with him into life-threatening adventures that had ultimately caused more injury to the loyal bodyguard than the charge he was protecting. Even though parts of his memory were still hazy after his resurrection, Artemis could clearly remember a moment from the day before his death: an uncharacteristic outburst from Butler after a buildup of stress and claustrophobia.  _ I do think you can be blamed, and I blame you. _ Those were the bodyguard's exact words.

Guilt gnawed at Artemis' stomach.

Butler noticed the boy's troubled expression and mistook it for disappointment. "Come on. Maybe building your own anti-ghost device can give you enough excitement."

"Yes," Artemis said after a moment. "Right. I'm sure it will." He climbed the stairs to his bedroom, feeling Butler's gaze follow his back.

"Artemis?" Butler called, causing the boy to stop and turn. The bodyguard hesitated for a second before asking, "You'll come down for dinner, right?"

Artemis gave him a small smile and replied, "Yes."

_ A one-word answer from Artemis? _ Butler thought to himself as his charge left.  _ He must be really feeling down. _

Artemis did not come down for dinner, but not because of any personal reason. It was simply that he was one of the people who got so absorbed in their work that they forgot about anything else. By the time he allowed himself to glance at the clock, it was already midnight.

Artemis found a tray of cold food left outside his bedroom door and took it inside before returning to his invention. He was forced to work inside his bedroom since the study was still a mess, and now various blueprints and tools were scattered across his bed. He picked up a Neutrino gun--one of the fairy weapons he had stolen during the Fowl Manor siege all those years ago. The thought made his lip quirk up with nostalgia, even if he wasn't overly proud of what he'd done at the time.

Of course, the gun he held now was modified. Artemis had filled it up with ectoplasm. Lord Hugh may have stolen part of his ectoplasm sample, but he still had more than enough left over on his jacket (which he was now unfortunately certain could never be rid of the ugly green stains).

Artemis double checked the gun to make sure everything was in place, then he switched it on. Just as he predicted, the ectoplasm gave off enough energy to power the gun. He felt it hum in his palm and saw the light turn green. This was impressive, considering the weapon's old power source was nuclear generated, meaning ectoplasmic energy was just as powerful.

_Amazing. I could power the whole city if I had an open supply from the ghost realm_ , Artemis thought, then deflated. Too bad he couldn't talk to those Fentons to ask them how they built their portal.

All of a sudden, the light installed into the gun began to blink rapidly. At the same time, a chill entered the room which raised goosebumps on his exposed skin. Artemis tensed. His fingers tightened their grip around the gun.

As swift as he could, he turned around in place, held his gun forward and fired off a blast.

"Sard! What was that for?" Lord Hugh exclaimed after the shot missed him by an entire a foot.

Artemis was disappointed at how far he missed, but then again, he never was any great with aiming. He stuck up his chin and adressed the ghost. "Just testing my new anti-ghost weapon," he said casually.

"Anti-ghost!" Hugh cried in indignation. "Have you no respect for your ancestor?"

"You destroyed my study," Artemis retorted.

Lord Hugh looked...guilty? "Er, yes. About that." He straightened his back and said, "I am here to apologize."

Though Artemis hid it well, he was filled with surprise. Compared to the power-hungry ghost back in the study, Hugh seemed awfully mild now. "Apologize?"

"Yes. It is the chivalrous thing to do, is it not?"

"You didn't seem very chivalrous back there."

Hugh huffed. "No, but can you blame me? I have spent centuries formless and weak, and now I suddenly have a semicorporeal form that is overflowing with energy. I think my reaction was just."

Artemis cautiously lowered his weapon. "So the ectoplasm didn't corrupt you?"

"Corrupt?" He scoffed and said, "Please. Even if this form does make me a bit more excitable, no gentleman would allow that to override his chivalry."

Gears were turning in Artemis's brain. The truth was, he lied to Butler about the Fentons not having a website. They did have a blog where they posted their research on ghosts, and from what Artemis could tell from skimming it over, most of it suggested that ghosts were too violent to be reasoned with. However, just this short exchange with Lord Hugh was enough to debunk that.

_When I am no longer grounded, I would like to have a word with those Fentons_ , thought Artemis. 

He slowly sat on the edge of his bed and set the weapon aside. "Well, I suppose your apology could be accepted..." he began, but when he looked up, Hugh had turned his back on him and was floating through the room's exit. "Hey," Artemis called, feeling offended. Centuries-old ghost or no, walking out in the middle of a conversation was rude.

Artemis followed the ghost outside and found him hovering at the top of the stairwell. Were it not for the specter's green glow, he could not have made his way through the darkness. Although, that wasn't true...there was a second light coming from down in the foyer. 

The teen made his way to Lord Hugh's side and stopped as soon as he caught sight of what was downstairs. "That door was not there before," he stated.

He was, of course, referring to the glowing purple door that had appeared in the middle of the mansion, seemingly leading to nowhere.

Artemis descended the stairs and approached the mysterious door. The air seemed to grow colder and more electric as he got closer. There appeared to be nothing on the other side of the closed door, but Artemis had a feeling that would not be the case if he opened it. When he rested his hand on the doorknob, it was freezing cold.

"What art thou doing?" Lord Hugh exclaimed. He hadn't changed position from his spot above the stairs.

Artemis glanced back at him and raised an eyebrow. "As a scientist, it's in my nature to observe anything unusual, and this is certainly unusual."

"I know where it leads," Hugh said. "The other side."

"Other side?" Artemis asked. "You mean the ghost realm, or the afterlife?"

But Hugh was silent, wordlessly staring holes into the door. 

Artemis turned back to the door. He found himself thinking back to his time as a ghost. Most of his memories of that time were yet to be recovered, but he still had some fleeting glimpses. Mostly they had to do with...flowers? But one thing he could not forget was the insistent pull he felt constantly, his soul's longing to go to heaven (or hell. who knew?) He didn't feel that pull coming from this door, but then again, he wasn't a ghost anymore.

Artemis was right about being a scientist, and all scientists had one huge flaw: their curiosity.

Artemis pulled opened the door. His breath was stolen away.

Before him stretched an endless expanse of black space with blobs of rising green ectoplasm, like he was staring into the world's largest lava lamp. Here and there floated islands of rocks, and the space was littered with purple doors similar to the one he was looking through. Artemis immediately knew what this place was.

"The ghost realm," he gasped.

No sooner had those words left his mouth than the air around him was suddenly sucked forward, and Artemis was pulled along. He failed to grasp onto the doorframe and tumbled in to the ghost world. 

Artemis may or may not have released an unsophisticated shriek as he fell. He landed on a floating rock some distance down, then turned back to look at where he came from. 

The door, and his only way home, was gone.

Butler was a light sleeper. Although he had his own apartment, he chose to stay in the guest room right below Artemis's room so he could hear any danger he was in. When he heard the shriek come from the foyer outside, he immediately snapped awake, threw back his covers, grabbed his gun, and sprinted outside.

When he reached the hall, it was empty. His eyes scanned every corner, searching for Artemis, before they landed on Hugh. He aimed his gun at him, then remembered that regular guns don't work on ghosts, and reluctantly lowered it. "Where is Artemis?" he demanded with a scowl.

"Oh, yes, the boy," Lord Hugh said guiltily. "I believe he may have walked through a portal to the ghost world that was meant for me."

Butler's eyes widened. He frantically searched through the entire hall, looking behind every corner and through every door, but Artemis wasn't there. He went to Artemis's room, and when that was empty, searched through every other room in the mansion.

Artemis was gone.


	4. welcome to amity park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> johnny 13 is absolutely a stoner

Artemis knew he should have been panicking, but the calmer portion of his brain couldn't help but be amazed by the sight before him. He was in a different dimension--which, okay, wasn't new. Still, the scientist in him marvelled at the ghost world. He was still breathing, which meant there was air in here; he wondered if that might have been produced by the ectoplasm. The gravity seemed lighter, or maybe it didn't exist at all, because he found that if he thought hard enough about it, he could hover in the air.

He wanted to spend more time studying the physics of this place, but once he got over the shock of being in a new realm, the panickier portion of his brain began to wake up. He needed to find a way out, but how? The door behind him was gone. He wasn't sure whether the various doors floating around him led back to his dimension, or if they led somewhere more dangerous.

The sound of a roaring engine approached, and Artemis tensed. He wished he brought his ghost weapon with him instead of leaving it in his room. He mentally chastised himself for such an oversight.

A blur whizzed by before slowing down in front of him. Apparently, the engine he heard was a motorcycle, with a ghost riding on its back. The idea of ghosts owning vehicles did not overly surprise Artemis--if fairies could own spaceships, then he saw no reason why ghosts should not have their own forms of machinery.

The biker ghost stopped in front of the human. Now that he was still, Artemis could see that the specter was no older than a teenager--oily blonde hair, pimples, and a cocky grin. His entire form glowed similarly to how Lord Hugh did. 

"Woah," the ghost said, staring at Artemis with amazement. "A human? In the Ghost Zone?"

Artemis forced himself to remain calm. "I assume the Ghost Zone is what you call this dimension?"

The ghost shrugged nonchalantly. "The official name is the Infinite Realms, but only ancient ghosts use that. Ghost Zone is what everyone calls this place." Artemis found that name interesting, especially because it implied the Ghost Zone was plural. Then again, it was probably just that: a name. 

The ghost brought his bike nearer and leaned on its handles lazily while he observed the human. "I'm guessing you came in through a natural portal, right? You're lucky. Walker normally would've thrown any human into ghost jail, but a prison break happened just a few days ago. He's too busy rounding up a bunch of escapees..." he pointed at himself with both thumbs proudly and added with a smirk, "...myself included."

"Ghosts have a legal system," Artemis said. It was more of a statement than a question, though it still surprised him. This ghost realm was more organized than he had expected. "What were you arrested for? Speeding?"

The ghost threw his head back and laughed. "Speeding! Nah, the Ghost Zone doesn't have a speed limit." He leaned forward, mimed holding a roll-up between his fingers, and said, "420 blazing it, am I right?"

"Weed?" Artemis blurted, and the idea befuddled him so much that he forgot about his calm composure. "Ghost weed? Do ghosts even have lungs?"

The ghost laughed again and smacked his bike. "Oh, I forgot how adorable humans are," he said, which did not reduce Artemis's confusion.

The human decided to think about something else (if only to keep what was left of his sanity), and he recalled a word the ghost said earlier. "You mentioned that I came through a natural portal," Artemis pointed out. "Does that imply the existence of man-made portals?"

The ghost grinned. "As a matter of fact, yes. A permanent portal opened up one or two month ago. I was planning on going through it, but I have to find my girl first. Can't go without her or she'll exorcise me for sure."

"Well then, do you think you could provide me some transport there?"

The ghost narrowed his eyes. "Why should I help you?" he asked.

There was the question Artemis was waiting for. People rarely ever did something for free. Apparently, ghosts were not quite like people, because before he could settle on a convincing excuse to get the phantom to help him, he jumped when the ghost suddenly slapped his bike's handles and laughed once more.

"Just kidding! 'Course I'll help you. I have nothing better to do." He patted the seat behind him and said, "Hop on."

When Artemis made no move, the ghost grinned and said, "What? Afraid of a little stranger danger?" He held his coat's collar to his face, leaned toward Artemis and said in his most exaggerated drug dealer voice, "Hey, kid. Want some ghost weed?"

Artemis ignored his sarcastic remark (although he was still pretty curious about what ghost weed was exactly--but that wasn't important at the moment). He narrowed his eyes and questioned, "What is your motive for helping me?"

"What's my motive for hating you?" the ghost replied with a shrug. "Besides, a reason to drive my bike around? I'm always up for that."

Artemis decided that his best chance of returning to the human world was to trust this ghost. Seeing no better option, he warily rode the bike and wrapped his arms around the specter's waist. It was cold and electric under his touch.

When the ghost mentioned that there was no speeding limit in the Ghost Zone, that really should have been enough warning for Artemis. He barely had time to hold on before the bike sped through the realm at a velocity rivalling fairy pods.

Holly stayed shielded while she rode on top the overground truck. Despite what she had told Artemis, the People was still recovering from the Big Dark; they managed to get their most important terminals back online, but unfortunately, those did not include ones that led to America. Holly had to ride a rusty old shuttle that landed her several states over, and after that, she had to alternate between flying and hitching rides on human vehicles in order to reach Amity Park.

The United States combined were a ridiculously large country, and it seemed to her that she would never arrive at her destination. Thus, she was flooded with relief when the truck passed a billboard that read in colorful letters, "Welcome to Amity Park: a nice place to live!"

"D'arving finally," Holly muttered.

"Oh, good, you're finally there," Foaly's voice came through the speaker in her helmet. "I've sent you directions to the location of the Fentons' lab, though I doubt you'd be needing them."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Holly asked.

Though she didn't see Foaly's face, she could almost hear him grinning. "You'll know when you see it."

Holly activated her mechanical wings and lifted off the truck. She didn't quite understand what Foaly meant by that. From what he'd told her, the Fentons' lab was inside their house, and they weren't rich either--which must have meant the building she was looking for was a bland residential one.

But as she followed the map on her visor, she quickly discovered just how un-bland their house was.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said to the towering UFO-shaped ops center sitting above the building. As if that wasn't attention-grabbing enough, there was also a gigantic, arrow-shaped, blindingly neon FENTONWORKS sign pointing toward the front door. "They live in there? That is...some interesting home decor."

Foaly chuckled. "Told ya."

"You're sure they aren't home? I don't want to sneak into a house full of fairy-hunter descendants."

"Are you really doubting the information I give you?" Foaly said with exaggerated offense, which Holly rolled her eyes at. "They're visiting some family outside of town. You might want to hurry before they return, though."

Holly landed in front of the building's front door, decidedly ignoring the harsh light coming from the sign above her. As she approached the door, Foaly said eagerly, "Try out my new suit feature."

Holly rolled her eyes again, but she obliged. She pressed a button on her suit, and she was quickly enveloped with a cold sensation as the ectoplasm Foaly injected in her fibers took hold. She felt a tingling sensation, and when she stepped forward, she passed through the door like it was immaterial--or rather, she was.

"Did it work?" Foaly asked excitedly.

"It worked," Holly confirmed.

She could sense his ego glowing all the way across the ocean and through the earth's crust. "Of course it worked. I'm only the best inventor there ever is."

"Better than a human couple who built a portal to the afterlife?"

She smirked as Foaly made a choking sound through his mic. "First of all, it's not the afterlife, it's a dimension in between. And second of all...a little thank you would have been nice for getting you in."

"Please, I could have snuck in without the fancy ghost powers." _If anyone is to thank, it's our warlock friend No1 for lifting the spell requiring us to get permission to enter human dwellings,_ she mentally added.

"I am disgusted. I am revolted. I dedicate my work to the LEP, and this is the thanks I get?"

"Are you done being a drama queen?"

Foaly grumbled something inaudible before eventually saying, "All right, but turn off the ghost powers when you enter their lab. They're ghost hunters, they probably have sensors detecting any ghost-related activities."

Holly complied. She hated the tingling feeling of intangibility, anyway. While she was at it, she dropped her shield as well, seeing as she was the only one in the building. Fully solid and visible again, she began to search for the lab.

She guessed something as big and possibly radioactive as a portal to another dimension must be held someplace underground, so she searched for the entrance to the house's basement. Soon enough, she found it in the kitchen and descended the stairs leading below. She was prepared to turn on her helmet light, but apparently she didn't need to--when she landed in the lab, there was enough light coming from the ectoplasm held in jars and half-built weapons to illuminate the room.

Holly was impressed. Hearing how much of crackpots the Fentons were considered to be, she didn't expected their lab to be much. But while it was still pretty subpar in fairy terms, it was even more impressive than Artemis's lab (not that she would ever tell the Mud Boy that). The walls, floor, and ceiling were plated with glinting steel. There were many complicated lab equipments sitting on metal tables and on shelves. Numerous blueprints Holly couldn't even begin to comprehend lined the walls. Everywhere were ectoplasmic samples that glowed an unearthly shade of green.

Most impressive of all, of course, was the portal. At least, Holly assumed the giant steel frame built into the wall was the portal, though it was hard to be certain when it was covered with closed blast doors. She doubted that did much to prevent ghosts from coming through, or else there wouldn't have been so many popping up in Haven. What the point was of doors if they didn't work was anyone's guess.

The steel frame was huge--large enough for a Butler-sized person to step through. As she approached, she noticed green light seeping through the crack between the doors, which lent more evidence that this was the portal she was looking for. Still, she had to be absolutely sure before she attempted to shut it down.

She found a button next to the doors and flew up to press it. As soon as she did, the doors slid open, and her breath was stolen. The swirling mass of hazy ectoplasm that made up the portal was hypnotic to look at. It sent off an energy that made her body buzz. The cloud of ectoplasm seemed to change from solid to liquid to gaseous and back again.

Holly spent who knows how long staring at the portal--until something came through.

Holly flew back and grabbed her gun when she saw a figure emerge. She tensed as it stumbled through and land on the floor. However, as soon as she saw what it was, she paused.

It was a human...who lifted himself up groggily to reveal a very familiar face.

"Ugh," he said, clutching his head. "Note to self: never accept a ride from a ghost. Apparently, dead people have no self-preservation."

Holly gaped. " _Artemis?!_ "

Artemis looked up at her and grinned. "Hello, Holly. I see you made it here, too."

"It's Artemis, isn't it?" Foaly spoke in her helmet. "Ohhh, I knew he would come."

Holly scowled. She flew up to the human boy. Then she closed her hand into a fist and swung it at his face.

A few years ago, Artemis might not have been prepared for her attack; but after such a long time spent as friends, he finally grew used to anticipating the only person who had the gall to punch him even when Butler was around. He raised his hand to block, but that did little to stop the force of her punch, and he ended up getting both her fist and his palm knocked against his face.

"Ow," he said.

"What the D'arvit are you doing here?!"

Artemis rubbed his nose where he had been hit and said, "Would you believe me if I told you this was completely unplanned?"

Holly opened her mouth for a snide remark, but before she could say anything, Foaly piped in, "As much as I want you to yell at Artemis, you should probably leave. The Fentons are coming back."

"What?" She pressed a hand to her helmet and said, "I thought you said we have time."

"I did, but apparently, Jack Fenton drives way faster than I expected. Like... _way_ faster. Seriously, how have they not been arrested by traffic?"

"Is that Foaly you're speaking to?" Artemis the traitor said.

Holly frowned. She hovered over the portal's controls and aimed her gun at them. "I have to shut this down quick," she explained.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Artemis warned. "Ectoplasm is a volatile substance. Who knows what blasting the portal would result in. You could blow the building up."

"Unfortunately, he's right," Foaly confirmed. "You should leave. Then we find a way to come back and shut it down safely."

Holly didn't like it, but she obliged. She turned her gun away from the controls and holstered it. Then she eyed Artemis.

The glow coming from the portal sent shadows across his face that made him look otherwordly. Paired with his usually pale skin, he almost looked like a ghost.

A ghost... _no, don't think that,_ she chided herself.

She wanted to send Artemis home right away. Unfortunately, the only ways to do that were to send him back the way he'd come (nu-uh), or to cross the same distance she had to cross while coming here, which was too long. She sighed heavily.

"Well, Mud Boy," she told him, "it looks like you're an Amity Park tourist now."

_How have we never been arrested by traffic?_ Danny wondered as the Ghost Assault Vehicle sped down the road. He was confident that his dad was driving well over the speed limit, yet they had never received a speeding ticket for as long as Danny remembered. Danny resigned to the fact that Jack Fenton probably had some supernatural power that made him averse to car crashes and traffic police.

Their stay at Aunt Alicia's was uneventful. Danny was relieved to know that his parents had no plan of divorcing, although it did make him almost irked that his journey to get their anniversary gift back from the Ghost Zone was unnecessary.

The Ghost Zone...Danny shivered as he recalled that dreadful place. Who knew he would be spending his high school freshman year fighting ghosts and breaking out of ghost jail?

His parents didn't know. They were ghost hunters, yet they had no idea that their son was half ghost. Danny was acutely aware of how many anti-ghost weapons were built into the GAV. Anyone could turn it on by accident, and he would become toast.

"Are you okay?" Jazz asked. He turned his head to the side and saw his sister eyeing him worriedly.

Of course she did. Jazz was always nosy, trying to solve his problems for him.

"I'm fine," he said. But was he?

It had been two months since the accident that partially killed him. He wished that memory would leave his mind already. The fear he felt when he realized the portal was turning on with him inside it, and the immediate pain that followed when he got struck by a thousand volts--then he woke up, half-ghost and half-human, certain there was no other creature in the world like him.

It was only days ago that he discovered he was in fact _not_ the only one of his kind. Of course, it was just his luck that probably the only other part-ghost in the world turned out to be such a crazed up fruitloop. The only one who could possibly understand what he was going through, and he wanted Danny's dad dead.

As these thoughts swirled through his head, his body began to tingle. He noticed it just in time and pulled himself back into tangibility. He sucked in a breath. He had to be more careful. If he accidentally turned intangible while his parents were right here...

Danny had gotten better at controlling his ghost powers since he'd gotten them. The times he compulsively turned invisible or intangible happened way less often, but still. Even as he looked out the GAV's window at the road passing by, he had to contribute a part of his concentration to staying solid. If he didn't focus on the feeling of the car seat under his lap, he was worried he might phase through it--and then his parents would find out and hunt him down.

Okay, so maybe he wasn't completely fine. But who could he talk to? There were Sam and Tucker, but they weren't exactly therapists. Meanwhile, Jazz...

He didn't want to tell her. Confessing to her would mean sharing his secret with someone in the family, which might lead to sharing it with his parents...and he wasn't sure whether they would accept him or not. For now, he wasn't telling Jazz anything, even if she was narrowly staring holes into him.

He watched the neighborhood pass by in the window--then perked up when he saw an odd couple. 

One of them was a pretty normal-looking teenager, even if he did dress way too formally for some reason. But the kid next to him--at least, Danny assumed it was a kid from her height--seemed to be shimmering. She was almost invisible, but Danny could see her hazy form. And she was flying.

Unfortunately, with how fast the GAV was going, they were far behind before Danny could take a good look at them. But that kid _was_ flying, wasn't she? Could she have been a ghost? But the shimmering was weird...and his ghost sense wasn't triggered. Maybe he only imagined her.

"What is it?" Jazz asked, noticing his unsettled reaction. 

The GAV screeched to a halt in front of their house, throwing everyone against their seatbelts. "Home sweet home," his dad announced, and he and his mom exited the vehicle, completely unaffected by how fast they had been going a moment ago.

Danny poked his head out the door. He tried to spot the weird people hed seen earlier, but they were gone.

"It's nothing," he murmured to Jazz.


	5. free real estate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i was rereading the artemis fowl series recently and apparently in the first book it was mentioned that holly finds indoors toilets disgusting, pretty wild right? oh yeah, the chapter summary. holly and artemis have a talk

Amity Park did not receive many tourists. The closest thing to a tourist attraction they had was the ghost-crazy Fentons family, and few people believed those. That was why Tracey, who worked part-time at the only hotel in town, was surprised when a teenage boy entered the lobby.

She straightened in her seat, hurriedly stuffing away the magazine she had been reading, and put on her customer service smile. "Welcome to Amity Hotel, how may I help you?" she greeted.

This was definitely an outsider. Tracey spent a lot of time around the city, and she'd never seen his face before. When he spoke, it was with a slight Irish accent. "I apologize," he began while patting his pockets, "I wish to book a room, but I seem to have lost my wallet. You don't suppose I could repay you later, could I?"

Tracey had no doubt he could. The tailored suit he was wearing looked expensive enough to pay off her student debts. Unfortunately, she didn't work in this place without rules, so she said with an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry, but we only accept direct payments."

The boy sighed defeatedly. "Such a shame. My friend and I were really hoping we could have a place to rest."

"Your friend?" Tracey hesitantly asked. The stranger seemed to be by himself. She tried leaning over the counter, wondering if maybe his companion was super short, when a person suddenly emerged from the air in front of her. 

Tracey leaned back in surprise. His friend was short, all right--some strange woman with pointy features and pointier ears--but she appeared to have come out of nowhere and was standing on top the counter.

Before Tracey could ask who or what she was, the short woman began to speak. Her multicolored eyes looked into her as she intoned, "Oh, but we're such weary travellers, and strayed far from home following the Big Dark. Surely you feel bad for us."

She did feel bad. Very bad. Such poor travellers!

"That's why you're willing to give us a room for free. There's nothing wrong with that. Your boss will understand."

"Of course," Tracey murmured. It was silly of her to worry. And this woman had such a pretty voice.

"One room," the pretty voice continued. "With two beds. And one more thing--there's nothing strange about me."

"Completely normal," Tracey agreed. A pretty voice, but that was all. There was nothing strange about her height or her sudden appearance. Just a normal person in Amity Park.

Tracey booked a room for them, with two beds, and gave each person a key. The completely normal woman smiled and thanked her. Then the two travellers left for their room.

Holly felt bad for using her mesmer like that, but she didn't have much of a choice. Their stay at Amity Park was going to take a while, and Artemis would sooner wear a beanie and skateboard than sleep on the streets. The boy had left his ridiculously large fortune at home when he came here through the portal, so mesmer it was.

The room was simple. Holly could tell that was unsatisfying to Artemis, who was likely used to staying in five-star suites instead of spartan rooms like this, but at least he didn't complain. Holly herself didn't care. She was tired after a long day of flying, so she slipped her mechanical wings off her shoulders and sprawled herself on the nearer bed.

Before she could fully appreciate how soft the bed was, Artemis's voice cut in, "So, the plan."

Holly bit back a groan. Typical of Artemis to jump over her relaxation period and straight to the scheming. She sat in bed and frowned at the human. "You mean your plan to get you back to Ireland? Good point, let's start talking."

Artemis responded with a frown of his own before saying, "I'm already here. You may as well make use of me."

"Like how?"

"Well, you still need to study how the portal works before you could attempt disabling it, and it would be difficult to constantly sneak in and out without the hunters catching you. If they're dedicated to spotting ghosts, then they'll likely be able to spot an invisible fairy, too. That is, unless you had a distraction while you studied their lab...like, say, a human ghost enthusiast wishing to learn more about their career."

Holly almost considered punching him again, because she had to admit, she didn't have a logical counterpoint to fight back against his plan. Of course she didn't--this was Artemis Fowl she was talking with. He must have known she couldn't argue because he wore that smug smirk on his face.

Holly sighed. "Fine," she said. "You can stay." She crossed her arms and added, "But don't think this makes me forgive you for sneaking out like that."

Artemis's smugness faltered. "Why are you being so protective of me?"

He sounded more than just irritated. There was sadness and a pained sort of confusion in his voice. But Holly couldn't help it. Every time she looked at him, she imagined his old body being lowered into a grave. She swallowed down a lump and said, "You know why."

Artemis sat down on the other bed and looked down at his lap. He picked at his nails for a moment before saying, "Just because our last adventure with ghosts ended badly doesn't mean this one will."

"That's--" Holly began, then hesitated. She hadn't even considered that the inclusion of ghosts in this affair might have been unconsciously making her even more protective of Artemis. She shook her head and said, "It's just that...well, you've said it yourself. This is a simple mission. We could have found some way to disable the portal without your help, so there was no point in bringing you along." After a moment's hesitation, she asked, "Why are _you_ so insistent on coming along?"

Artemis stiffened. He straightened his back, still not meeting Holly's eyes, and spoke slowly, "The Fentons are not just ghost hunters. They're also ghost scientists. Of course, much of the information they have is wrong, but...they're likely the most knowledgeable humans in the subject." There was a crack in his normally cold expression, and he took a shuddering breath and said, "I want...I _have_ to know more."

Holly let that information sink in. "You were serious about wanting to remember your time as a ghost," she said. Then she frowned. "But why?"

Sure, Artemis had mentioned something about philosophers longing to know the answer, but Holly knew there was something more to his drive. Otherwise, he wouldn't have sounded so desperate. Artemis removed his hands from his lap to grip at the bed frame. He chewed his lips as he chose his next words.

"I'm alive," he stated. "I know that is true. I have a pulse and working organs. Still, there are times when I almost forget that fact. It feels as if I might disappear into ghosthood again."

Artemis tentatively raised his eyes to look at her, gouging her reaction. Holly didn't know _how_ to react. Truthfully, she had never given much thought to the fact that Artemis existed as a ghost between his death and resurrection. All she could think of when he died was how much his death hurt, and all she could think of after he got revived was that she would prevent that death from ever happening again....she never thought about what he had experienced _after_ that death.

"I didn't know," she said in a low voice.

Artemis shifted in place and continued, "It's confusing, the leftover feeling of being a ghost, even when I don't remember much of that time. I thought learning more about my old situation might give me more clarity in my current one."

Holly remained speechless for another moment. Then she swallowed and said, "Tomorrow. You can ask the Fentons whatever you like."

Artemis gave her a small but appreciative smile. After a second's hesitation, he said, "Thank you."

It was nice knowing that Holly was one of the few people he felt close enough to thank, though she sometimes wished he wasn't so lonely.

Holly stretched. She unzipped her armor (out of sight from Artemis) and slipped under the covers. "Well, if that's it, I'm going to sleep."

Artemis looked out the window, where the sky was dark. "I thought fairies were nocturnal."

"So sue me, I have jetlag," Holly replied. "Besides, if we're going to the Fentons tomorrow, I have to be up at the same time they are. You should rest, too."

Artemis seemed uncertain as he nodded. Holly remembered Butler telling her that the young genius spent many nights with insomnia since his revival. He must have been wondering if he could rest at all.

The human stood up and crossed the room toward the bathroom, explaining that he needed to "do his business". Holly held herself from gagging. She didn't need to do her business at the moment, but if she did, she hated the idea of doing it indoors. Seriously, why would humans build toilets inside their own homes?

The bathroom door was locked with a click. Holly found herself gazing at it as she settled in bed. She hoped Artemis was okay--but that was tricky. Anyone who knew him well knew that Artemis was never okay.

In the bathroom, Artemis stared himself down in the mirror. It was funny, really. He had spent fourteen years of his original life with two blue eyes, and only one year with one blue and one hazel eye after the trans-dimensional trip that switched one of his eyeballs with Holly's. Yet, despite how short a time he kept it, he grew used to seeing himself with mismatched irises.

Now, seeing the identical blue circles in the mirror, they only seemed to remind him that this body was not the same as the one he was born in. Somewhere in the grounds of Fowl Estate sat his original corpse, being eaten away by worms.

It was funny. His current body had neither of Holly's eyes, yet Holly still had one of his. Artemis remembered hating jokes as a child. 

He saw in his reflection one of his eyes twitch involuntarily. It stung. He reached a palm up and rubbed it. Something inside him felt...strange. Like he wasn't fully out of the Ghost Zone yet.

A sudden static shock made him remove his hand from his face. He blinked and looked back at the mirror, then immediately did a double-take. His eyes were mismatched again...but, no. The other eye wasn't hazel, it was green.

Then he blinked again, and it was back to blue.

Did he imagine it? Was this another hallucination? It was entirely possible. If this was a hallucination, then it confirmed his suspicion--one he hadn't shared with anyone. They had enough to worry about because of him.

Artemis sighed. He opened the faucet and splashed his face with water. Five times. Perhaps he needed a rest.

It was almost cliche how it rained on the funeral. The rain was light, only a mist really, but still everyone held an umbrella to keep their black clothes from being drenched. They stood at the crest of the hill, watching the grave being filled.

Artemis blinked, feeling sluggish. _Whose funeral is it?_ he wondered. He didn't even remember walking here. Then he looked down at himself and saw that even though he wasn't holding an umbrella, he was entirely dry. In fact, as he held up a hand, he noticed that the water didn't touch him at all...it went right through him. At last, his memory came back, and he thought, _Ah._

Sparing a second glance at the grave, he noted the name that was written on the headstone: Artemis Fowl II. He remembered now--he was dead.

For a second, he wondered why his spirit was sticking around. He knew he had some plan to bring himself back...but why bother? There was a tugging at his soul, whispering to him that he should follow the light and let go. On the other side would be no more suffering, no more pain. For the first time, he would be completely at rest. He would be happy. All he had to do was let go.

Then he heard a sob and turned to see his mother. She had her hand to her mouth, her head turned away, unable to bring herself to see her son being buried. Streams of tears fell from her eyes, and her body shook with sobs. All of a sudden, Artemis felt his determination to stay renew. He had seen his mother go through intense grief before, back when his father had gone missing. Even if she was healed and now had a better understanding of mental health, he hated the idea that she could ever become like that again.

Speaking of Father, he looked just as wrecked as Mother, which was surprising because Artemis had never seen him so emotional before. He kept sniffling and wiping his tears, only for more to replace them immediately. More than once, a sob broke free. He gripped his wife's hand, both seeking solace in each other to fill the hole Artemis had caused by dying.

Myles and Beckett stood by his parents' side, looking more curious than sad. No doubt this was the toddlers' first experience with grief. Myles only stared at the grave with a frown, but Beckett stepped closer and asked, "Why is Artemis in hole?" He was gently pulled back by Juliet, who looked puffy-eyed herself.

There was a haze in the air next to Juliet. Somehow, Artemis was able to look past the shield to know it was Holly. He wondered if the rest of his family knew she was there. He didn't need to see her clearly to know she was just as heartbroken.

The only one in attendance who looked unaffected was Butler. He stood in his stiff poise, hands clasped, and scowled at the air next to Artemis. In fact, if Artemis was standing a few paces to the right, he would have sworn Butler was looking at him, as if asking, _When are you coming back?_

He realized that the only reason Butler wasn't as emotional as his parents was because he believed Artemis will return. He _had_ to return.

But even as Artemis ordered his soul to stay, the tugging persisted.

"Small funeral," a voice next to him said, and Artemis would have jumped if he had any body reflexes left. He turned his head to the side and saw a stranger. At least, he thought he was a stranger at first, being the only person aside from the funeral director that Artemis never knew personally in life. But as he narrowed his eyes, and the sluggishness in his consciousness receded, he hesitantly said, "Hugh Fowl?"

Hugh smiled and faced Artemis, confirming that he could hear and see him. "So you recognize me. It is good to know that you are well informed on your lineage."

"You're dead," Artemis said. He then finally took notice of the way the raindrops passed through the man's head and shoulders. This was another ghost.

"So are you now," Hugh replied. "Perhaps this is insensitive to say, but I am glad you died, so I can have someone to talk to. It has been too long." He shrugged. "Even if your stay is only temporary. No doubt you will pass on soon."

Artemis stepped back from his grave. The pull on his soul was near unbearable now. He forced himself to stay, even if it _hurt_ to ignore the feeling ( _no more suffering no more pain you can be free just let go_ ). "I can't go," he said. "I have to return."

Hugh chuckled. "Normally, I would say it is useless, but you did surprise me with your genius many times when you were alive. Perhaps you will surprise me again."

"You watched me?"

"Of course. Why else would I tether myself to my castle than to see what goes on inside? That was a risky thing you did with the fairies, by the way. You nearly killed me again from seeing what that troll did to the place."

Artemis didn't bother feeling any shame. Instead, he asked, "Tether?"

"Yes," Hugh said. "I bound my soul to an object to keep myself in this plane. If you are planning to stay, then I suggest you do the same."

Artemis looked down at his hands and found his fingertips disappearing. He was fading. He had to tether himself quick.

He turned away from his funeral and ran toward the mansion. What could he bind his soul to? Something that could last long enough for Foaly to complete building his body. But what?

He tripped, which was a slight surprise to him, seeing as gravity shouldn't affect ghosts. He looked at his legs and found them fading, too. There was definitely not enough time for him to choose something inside the mansion.

His eyes darted around the field, searching for anything that could let him stay. There. A seedling growing among the grass.

He pulled himself toward the small plant and cupped it in his hand. He then closed his eyes and focused on chanelling his soul into it. It didn't matter to him what the plant would grow into, as long as he would survive with it. _I hope it grows into something beautiful,_ he thought. _Like a rose. With orange petals._ He quite liked orange.

When he opened his eyes again, he smiled when he saw that the seedling had magically grown into a beautiful orange rose.

Artemis could feel a part of himself coursing through the flower, inside its stem and across its roots. The pull toward the afterlife was duller now that he felt bound to this flower. 

He sighed and closed his eyes again, then collapsed next to his rose. It was okay. Until his new body was grown, he finally had time to relax. He could stay here by his flower until he got revived.

He was free.

The rose and the grass disappeared. Artemis frowned. He opened his eyes to find himself standing in complete darkness.

_This didn't happen,_ he thought. And that was how he knew he was dreaming.

His eyes rove around, but there was nothing to see. He tried to summon something from his imagination, but nothing appeared. Strange. He had never seen such emptiness in his mind, even during the times he was trapped inside during his Atlantis Complex.

Something sloshed against his legs. He looked down and was alarmed to see that the floor (or what passed for it) had become filled with a glowing green liquid--ectoplasm.

He tried to pull his foot free, but the ectoplasm held it tight. More than that, it began to creep up his body in green vines. He recalled the image of Hugh's ghost being infected by ectoplasm, and that made him more desperate to escape.

_This is a dream,_ he told himself. _I can control what happens._ But no matter how hard he ordered the ectoplasm to stop, it continued to envelop his body.

He fell with a splash into the sea of ectoplasm. The substance was climbing into his nose and mouth, threatening to drown him. It pushed through his arteries, replacing his blood, and solidified as a ball inside his chest.

He tried to scream. His voice remained silent--until the scream tore through his throat as he woke up.

Holly was by his side in a second. "Arty! Are you okay?"

Artemis took in a gulp of air. He saw Holly's concerned hazel-and-blue eyes, saw the hotel room they were in, felt the bed under him, and sighed. He rubbed his face and said, "It's nothing. Just an unpleasant dream."

He took a moment to think about what he had seen. So he finally remembered some of his time as a ghost. That was nice...he supposed. But what about what happened after that? _Probably just a nightmare,_ he told himself.

He almost counted in fives to calm down, but he managed to stop himself. He wasn't slipping back into his Complex. Not when he knew the coping mechanisms and could prevent it. Instead, he counted to eight and took a deep breath before he allowed himself to look at Holly again. 

The elf's expression of worry didn't change. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he snapped, a little more forcefully than necessary. When Holly flinched, he sighed and said, "Sorry. But I promise you, it's nothing to worry about. I've had nightmares before I died, you know."

"If you say so," Holly said, though she sounded unconvinced.

Artemis turned his gaze to the foot of his bed. He froze when he saw what was there. "What," he said, "is that?"

For a moment, Holly looked guilty, probably thinking that such a prank wasn't appropriate at this timing. Then Artemis frowned at her with a big pout, the tension broke apart, and she laughed. 

"You can't exactly walk around in the clothes you slept in, can you?" she said.

Artemis glanced down at his dress shirt. Having come without any spare clothes, his only options were to sleep in his day clothes or sleep naked, and he had never been a fan of sleeping naked. Now, his shirt and trousers were wrinkled from his presumed tossing and turning in bed. Holly was right, but still...

"Of all the clothes you could have gotten for me, you had to pick _that_?" he said, gesturing angrily at the folded jeans and Ghostbusters T-shirt sitting on his bed. He didn't ask where she got them from, assuming she must have stolen it from some thrift store nearby. Neither of them were known for following the law, even if Holly was a cop. "You know I hate wearing jeans!"

"But you have to fit in, don't you?" Holly said with a smirk. "You're not visiting the Fentons as a businessman, but as a ghost-enthusiastic teen."

Artemis gazed at the incriminating clothes in utter defeat, then heaved a big sigh. "This is your revenge for me disobeying you, isn't it?"

"Now, why ever would you say that?" Holly responded with a grin that said _yes_.

Artemis rubbed a hand across his face. "Fine. I'll wear the ghost T-shirt."

"And the jeans?"

Another sigh. "And the jeans."

Holly pumped her fist.

While she turned away, Artemis lifted his bed covers and moved to stand, but he paused. Underneath the covers, right by his feet...there were a dozen small, orange petals. Rose petals.

Artemis lifted his eyes to Holly, but she was busy fixing her hair in the mirror, back turned to him. (She wasn't going to be seen by anyone, but that didn't mean she couldn't look nice for herself.) He looked back at his bed. 

The petals had vanished.

He gulped and breathed slowly. Then he pushed the covers away and got out of bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear there will be more of the danny phantom characters next chapter


	6. who you gonna call?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally, the actual crossing over happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it sure has been a while since i updated any of my fics. im still alive! and so is artemis, apparently. (btw yes i did change my username, im still the same person dw)

"Where are you going?"

Artemis blinked, snapping into awareness. He looked around, finding himself standing in the middle of a neighborhood. Holly's shielded form hovered in front of him. 

For some reason, Artemis had gotten much better at spotting shielded fairies since he came back. Either he grew used to recognizing them, or it had to do with the same reason he could see invisible ghosts. A random human passed by him without noticing Holly, so he assumed it was only him.

Holly was frowning. He could see that through the shield's vibrations. "We just passed the Fentons' house," she told him. He looked over his shoulder, and sure enough, the building with the neon FentonWorks sign was behind him.

Had he really dissociated on their way here? His nightmare was still fresh in his mind, and it muddled his thoughts. That was unacceptable. He wasn't willing to lose his clarity before their mission was done with.

He could feel Holly's scrutiny burn into his skull, so he covered his insecurity behind a straight posture and said, "Apologies, I got absorbed with my planning." A harmless lie.

Holly slapped his head forward. With the shield on, it felt like being smacked by a massager. "No more standing straight. You're a slouchy teenager now, remember?"

Artemis grumbled and lowered into a slouch. He could tell Holly was enjoying this.

The slouchy teenager pulled at his jeans as he walked up to the Fentons' front steps. Even if this wasn't his first time pretending to be normal, it didn't make wearing denim any more comfortable. He raised his finger to the doorbell, but before he could press it, the door swung open by itself.

Standing in the doorway was a teenage boy, a year or two younger than him, with messy black bangs and light blue eyes. Their eyes met, and the boy's eyes widened a fraction. "You're--who are you?" he asked.

For a second, Artemis found himself frozen in place. Something about this boy sent a shiver down his body, though he didn't know why. Then the feeling passed, and he shook himself and said, "This is FentonWorks, correct?"

The boy turned his eyes to the giant FentonWorks sign pointing at the door. "Oh, gee, is it? I haven't noticed."

Artemis's lips twitched upward. A boy of his own sarcasm.

A second teenager appeared at the door, this one a girl with red hair. He noticed that both of them were carrying backpacks--presumably schoolbags. "What's the hold up?" she asked, then noticed Artemis. Her eyes moved to his Ghostbusters shirt, and her expression soured before she released a sigh. "Let me guess. You want to hear about ghosts."

Artemis flashed her a smile. Hopefully a normal, non-threatening smile. (His brothers always told him his smiles looked scary, but he had been practicing...)

Apparently, he must have succeeded, because the girl didn't comment on his expression. Instead, she said, "Are you sure you want to talk to my parents? Trust me, you'd be saving yourself by walking away from here."

Before Artemis could question what she meant by that, a voice rang out, "Kids, you forgot your lunches!" A woman bounded up to them, holding a paper bag in each hand. Artemis recognized her from the photo on the FentonWorks website as Maddie Fenton. She even wore the same teal jumpsuit in the photo, which Artemis was beginning to suspect she wore at all times (not that he was one to judge).

The kids suddenly looked nervous, shifting away from the packed lunches. "It's okay, Mom," said the boy, "we can buy lunch at school."

"Nonsense, Danny, my cooking can't be that bad," Maddie replied and opened one of the bags. Almost immediately, a grilled cheese sandwich soared out and snapped its--teeth? Artemis thought he was having another hallucination until Maddie dropped the bags, pulled out a gun, and shot the feral sandwich.

He recognized the released blast from the gun as an ectoplasmic one. It scorched the bread, and green ectoplasm was shoved out of the food and splattered onto the pavement. The sandwich lost its teeth and fell from its spot mid-air, but it was snatched by Maddie before it could hit the ground. The ghosthunter then picked up the lunch bags again, replaced the sandwich in its bag, and handed the lunches with a smile to the two teens, who begrudgingly accepted.

Artemis picked up his jaw, then asked, "What was that?"

Maddie blinked at him, then smiled. "I didn't notice you there. What you witnessed was a case of ecto-contamination."

"Ecto-contamination?"

Danny answered. "Sometimes ectoplasm from the lab accidentally gets into our food." Judging from both his and his sister's expressions, this sort of thing happened often.

Artemis frowned. "That can't be safe. You ought to be more careful about what goes in and out of a lab."

"Thank you!" said the teenage girl. "That's what I'm always saying!" 

Next to her, her brother shifted. He was staring at something past Artemis's shoulder. Artemis frowned and followed his gaze to where Holly hovered shielded. But Danny couldn't have seen her. Could he?

"Jazz, I already told you," Maddie was saying, pulling his attention back to the Fentons. "The ectoplasm is safe, so long as you remember to wash your hands."

The girl, Jazz, scowled. Artemis didn't have to be a genius to deduce that she wasn't approving of her parents' job.

"Come on, we're going to school," she said and grabbed Danny's arm, pulling them down the front steps. Artemis found his eyes following Danny's back as he left. The boy wasn't looking at Holly now. Maybe it was only a coincidence that he looked in her direction earlier. Maybe.

"Shouldn't a young man like you also be at school?" Maddie asked him.

Artemis turned to her and gave another smile. "Technically, I shouldn't even be in this country. The airports all shut down while I was here on vacation, and until they open up again, well...I see no harm in continuing my vacation."

"And your idea of a vacation is to visit a ghost expert like me?"

"Of course. I love ghosts."

Those three words were enough to transform her expression from polite smile to unnervingly wide grin. The term _mad scientist_ popped into Artemis's head before she turned her head over her shoulder and shouted, "Jack! Someone wants to hear about ghosts!"

The heavy footsteps that followed almost made Artemis think there was a troll inside before Jack Fenton appeared at the door. Photographs certainly didn't do his size justice. The man was easily as tall as Butler and twice as wide (although, to be fair, that probably consisted more of fat than muscles). The grin on his face matched Maddie's. "Is it true? You want to learn about ghosts?"

Before Artemis could even answer, Jack's massive hands wrapped around him, and he was lifted from the ground as easily as a twig and carried inside before being dropped onto a couch. Jack seated himself in one armchair across from him, and Maddie sat in the other.

"What do you want to know first? Nice shirt, by the way. Ghostbusters is a great movie," Jack said.

Artemis blinked a few times to get adjusted to the sudden change in scenery. "Totally," he said, hoping it wasn't obvious that he never watched that movie.

His eyes moved past the Fentons' shoulders, where he saw Holly's hazy figure fly toward the lab. Jack stood up.

"Oh, I should show you our weapons! Let me go grab them--they're in the lab!" And he moved toward the lab, where Holly was headed.

"Wait, actually," Artemis hurriedly said, and Jack paused expectantly. Artemis wracked his brains for a distraction before his vision settled on the light fixtures. "You seem to be recovering well from the Big Dark--unless your technology wasn't affected?"

Maddie smiled. "That's right. Most technology in this house consists of our own inventions."

"We didn't even know about the Big Dark until we walked outside!" Jack added.

"Your inventions are all powered by ectoplasm, I presume?"

"So you did read our blog!" Jack grinned, and he settled back into his chair. "You're right. All our batteries run on ghost juice."

Maddie picked up. "Ectoplasm has energy-producing attributes. It was a simple matter to convert it into an energy source. It's clean and effective."

"I do have one question, though," Artemis said, putting on a confused appearance. He had already guessed the answer, but it was better to let them talk (and these two seemed to dearly love talking). "Where did you collect the ectoplasm from? From my understanding, the portal you have made didn't function until recently."

"Oh, that's easy," Jack answered, bouncing in his seat. Clearly, he was eager at the opportunity to infodump. "We made a stable portal, but natural portals already existed before. They would show up for a few seconds, spit out a ghost, then disappear. Of course, ghosts being naturally aggressive creatures, they would make a ruckus and leave behind a trace of their ectoplasm before they find a portal back to their realm. That's how we get our ectoplasm!"

"It's also how we know ghosts exist," Maddie piped in. "It's all evidence."

Artemis frowned. "But you've never seen a ghost before?"

"Well, no. But we don't have to. The ectoplasmic samples we have are enough to teach us about ghosts' characteristics."

"Their physical characteristics, you mean," Artemis said.

"Yes," Maddie replied, her brows drawing together. "What other characteristics would there be?"

"Behavioral, of course," Artemis responded. "You mentioned that ghosts are naturally agressive. How would you know that is true if you have never seen one before?"

Maddie laughed. "If you saw the damage they did, you would know the same."

Artemis thought back to the mess that Hugh made of his study. "Still..."

"There are also the stories," Jack added. "Why would people call ghosts scary if that wasn't true?"

"But those are only the ghosts who visited our realm. There could be more docile ghosts who didn't leave the Ghost Zone."

With the way the couple stared at him in response, one would think he had just spouted unintelligable gibberish. 

"Why wouldn't they?" said Jack.

Artemis's inner scientist was straining to hold back his retorts. He could think of several comebacks, especially when he knew for a fact--from speaking with both Hugh and that biker ghost--that they were wrong. But for now, he pushed away the strange obligation he suddenly felt to protect the species, and instead chose to focus on the bigger question: "If ghosts are so bad, then why build the portal?"

Jack chuckled as if he had asked a silly question. "Research, of course," he answered simply.

"Natural portals rarely last long," Maddie expounded. "With the stable portal we built, we can have a steady supply of ectoplasm without scouring the continent for ghost sites. And with that ectoplasm, we can find ways to counter the ghosts if they ever come through."

Artemis narrowed his eyes. Cautiously, he asked, "But no ghosts have come out yet?"

"If they did, I think we would know," she replied, which Artemis took as a _No_. That meant they were unaware of the multiple phantoms who have escaped and entered Haven. How could they build a portal to another dimension then leave it unmonitored? His respect for them as scientists was waning by the second.

By this time, Holly should be finishing up her survey of their lab. Artemis figured he had gleaned enough side information from the Fentons, or should ask them about the mechanics of the portal. But something, a feeling in his chest, nagged at him and refused to go away until it had been dealt with, so his mouth opened and spoke, "How do you know if someone is a ghost?"

The couple frowned in confusion at his sudden question, and Artemis felt mortified for blurting something out like that without a second thought. But he pressed on, "Some tales describe ghosts as able to blend in with humans. If that were the case, how could you tell if a phantom were to disguise itself as a person--or perhaps possess its own corpse?"

He hoped the heat in his face wasnt a blush. It was a completely valid question, wasn't it? Maddie looked thoughtful for a moment, then answered,

"You're right; there have been accounts of that. However, it should be easy enough to tell. A ghost can attempt to disguise itself as a human, sure, but it can never be alive. Sooner or later, it would slip up, and you'd notice something is off--maybe it forgot to breathe, or keep its heart beating."

Artemis's heart pumped in his chest. His lungs expanded and contracted.

"But I think the best way to tell would be the pulse. Ectoplasm doesn't work the same way as blood. Even if the ghost managed to keep the pretense of a heaving chest, the veins would be too intricate for it to emulate. And if it possessed a corpse, well--" she shrugged--"sooner or later it would rot away."

Artemis's hand wove around his wrist, and when his finger pressed against an artery, relief flooded through him as he felt the steady throb of a beating pulse. Then he felt ridiculous for feeling relieved. What was he thinking? Of course he wasn't a ghost. He was alive.

He was alive.

In the corner of his vision, he saw Holly, still shielded, appear in the living room. They were good to go. But Artemis was still curious to learn more, so he told the Fentons, "All this talk about the portal makes me want to see it. May I--"

"No."

Artemis blinked. Jack had been so eager to share everything about his research, it was a shock to hear the large man utter that simple response. Artemis frowned at him and asked, "Why not?"

"Our research is still in its first stages. We don't know what it could do. Having visitors might be dangerous."

"Your children are allowed to enter."

"Jazz and Danny are fully aware of all necessary safety precautions. Nothing bad would ever happen to them."

"But if I--"

"No visitors allowed," Jack repeated, and it was final.

The hazy figure that was Holly Short was flying more erratically now, like she was anxious to tell him something. Artemis nodded politely to the Fentons and stood up. "Understood. Then, that is all I wanted to know."

"Are you sure you don't want to see the weapons?"

Holly continued waving at him in his peripheral vision. "Perhaps later."

Jack looked disappointed, but replied, "If you say so."

Artemis walked out the front door, leaving it open for a little longer than necessary so that Holly could exit after him. Once they were out of the building and down the front steps, Holly slapped him.

"Okay, we really need to talk about your physical aggression," Artemis grumbled and rubbed his cheek.

Holly hovered in front of him and hissed, "Why did you ask to visit the lab?"

"I thought I could glean more information."

"I had that covered! Now he said no one is allowed to enter!"

"So? I thought the spell that required permission to enter dwellings was lifted long ago."

"That was only for needing an invitation to enter. But an explicit prohibition..."

Artemis's eyes widened. "You mean..."

"So long as he said no, we aren't allowed inside."

"...Oh," Artemis said, feeling his guilt build up. "I didn't know."

Holly huffed. "Well, I can't get into the lab anymore without throwing up. You'll have to find some way to sneak in yourself if we want to disable it."

Artemis was still feeling crummy when an idea sparked in his mind. "Maybe not," he said, then asked, "If multiple humans lived in one dwelling, then would one person's prohibition be final, or could the other residents change that?"

Holly was quiet as she mulled it over. "I guess not," she answered. "The spell applies to anyone living inside. So if another Fenton gave us an invitation, then that would override Jack's statement."

A smile formed on Artemis's features, and Holly thought he looked more like himself as he said, "Good, because Jack and Maddie are not the only ones."


End file.
